A Funny Thing Happened.....

Rudy · Post by **Rudy** » Fri Apr 15, 2011 7:56 pm

Well, the other day, Mary, my wife, and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an â€œassholeâ€

Dennis The Bus Dweller · Fri Apr 15, 2011 8:56 pm

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:40 am

Funny stuff Rudy

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:36 am

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Dennis The Bus Dweller · Mon Apr 18, 2011 2:57 am

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 3:31 am

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.

"Well," said the would-be-cattleman. "I wanted to call it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y Ranch."

"But where are all your cattle?"

"Well, so far, none has survived the branding."

Dennis The Bus Dweller · Mon Apr 18, 2011 3:44 am

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 5:22 am

Times are bad....

The Recession hits everybody in America.

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico .

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $13.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal...they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:18 am

(...my dyslexia has prevented my suicide...I keep jumping out behind the bus...)

Dennis The Bus Dweller · Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:52 am

I keep jumping out behind the bus

Thats great

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:32 pm

Speaking of dyslexia....Did ya hear about the dyslexic paranoid? He always thought he was following someone.

dburt · Post by **dburt** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:50 pm

Ditto

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:07 am

...as recorded in the "Disturbing The Peace and Being A Public Nuisance" report:

I have a Great Dane and I was at Wal-Mart in the check out lane to purchase a large bag of Purina When a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her no, that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.)

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital last time because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking myself and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Dennis The Bus Dweller · Tue Apr 19, 2011 11:05 am

That was great

graydawg · Post by **graydawg** » Tue Apr 19, 2011 6:12 pm

Damn Griff now tell me you didn't do that, and if you did what color was your favorite flavor of kimbles or do you and your dog eat from he same bowl and which one of you sets the table, enquireing minds want to know.
James in da GRAYDAWG

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A Funny Thing Happened.....

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