A Funny Thing Happened.....

graydawg · Post by **graydawg** » Mon May 09, 2011 9:29 pm

No I didn't do it, or have any thing to do with it, in fact I didn't even know about it til the teacher jumped up and yelled who did this. She was actually one of the better civillian teachers, I was scared of the Nuns and would not have even dared do something like that, back then. This was also about the time they stopped spankings in school. BUT HELL NO my parents wrote a note giving the Nuns permission to spank us, and then call them so we could get a after school dose and then a wait til your Dad gets home and you tell him that the Nuns had to give you a spanking today. I guess I was a pretty good kid growing up, but have tried to make up for it later in life.

James in da GRAYDAWG

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Mon May 09, 2011 10:47 pm

ezrablu wrote:Did ya hear about the lady that backed into a fan? Disaster

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder? ...got behind in his work...

Did you hear about the optometrist who backed into his lens grinder? ...made a spectacle of himself...

They fired the cross-eyed school teacher...she had no control over her pupils...she was so cross-eyed, the tears from her right eye fell on her left cheek...

The English teacher lived to a ripe old age, but he's History now...

dburt · Post by **dburt** » Tue May 10, 2011 3:24 am

Griff- I love the one about the cross-eyed teacher!

A guy loved to float in his pool, his name was Bob.

Two guys loved to hang around the window, they were named Curt 'n Rod.

The one legged waitress that worked at IHOP.

dburt · Post by **dburt** » Tue May 10, 2011 7:44 am

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My word!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

Sunday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a need to get warm, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 25 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...

My wife was standing quietly looking in the bedroom mirror at herself.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's near perfect."
And then the fight started........

Bob · Post by **Bob** » Tue May 10, 2011 9:23 am

dburt those are great!

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Tue May 10, 2011 9:24 am

A guy loved to hang on the wall, his name was Art...

His buddy liked water skiing, his name was Skip...

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Tue May 10, 2011 9:36 am

you guys are on a roll.....lol

Did you hear about the florist who had two children?
One is a budding genius and the other one is a blooming idiot.

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Tue May 10, 2011 10:14 am

Again I say:

While I was strolling the grounds of the asylum, I noticed a man changing a flat tire by the side of the road just outside the retaining fence. I sauntered over and watched as he placed the lug nuts of the wheel in the hubcap beside him.

As he wrestled with the tires, he inadvertently tipped the hubcap and watched his lug nuts go rolling into the grate of the highway water run-off. He was perplexed as I heard him talking aloud to himself, "Well, that's just great, what I am I gonna do now?"

I cleared my throat and suggested, "Why don't you take one lug nut from each of the other wheels and use them to hold this one on until you can get back to town and get a replacement?"

"That's pure genius!" the man said elatedly, "What in the world are YOU doing in an insane asylum?"

"I'm here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid..."

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Tue May 10, 2011 10:29 am

As a training exercise, a rural county was sponsoring a firefighting contest and offered a prize of $5,000 to whichever volunteer firehouse was most effective at putting out an intentionally-set barn fire.

Once set, the fire quickly got out of control and the companies that were already there were about to give up and let it burn itself out.

Suddenly, a late-arriving volunteer company came racing up in their pumper truck with the siren wailing and horn blaring as they drove right into the conflagration!

Axes and hoses flying, they quickly got the fire under control by tackling it from within.

When it was finally out, the county fire commissioner offered his congratulations to the captain of the winning team on his strategy, and then asked "How's your team going to spend the $5,000?"

"The first thing we're gonna do is fix the danged brakes on that truck", replied the exhausted fireman.

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Tue May 10, 2011 11:13 am

Griff...ironically, my son has been gone half the day putting out a barn fire

We had a BAD storm roll through here this morning with lots of lightening...it struck a barn down the road. My son is on the fire dept.

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Wed May 11, 2011 3:22 pm

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Wed May 11, 2011 3:29 pm

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

ezrablu · Post by **ezrablu** » Wed May 11, 2011 3:29 pm

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Jones'n4chrome · Post by **Jones'n4chrome** » Wed May 11, 2011 4:02 pm

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Wed May 11, 2011 10:07 pm

Quickie Quiz:

Why do cows wear bells?

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

NOMADICISTA

A Funny Thing Happened.....

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