A Funny Thing Happened.....

[Rudy]

I get a phone call one day at the music store. A woman asks me if we have any lyres there. Lyre is pronounced liar. It is an old harp type instrument.

I ask the woman if she would like a student lyre or a professional lyre.

She says she was looking for a professional lyre. (sounds like liar).

I said she should look in the phone book under attorneys.

At this point, I can barely withhold my laughing.

THEN, she says, Oh I am married to one.

That is when I fell off my stool!

[dburt]

The only thing worse then a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff is one going over a cliff full of lawyers, but with two empty seats!!

[splummer]

not really a funny thing that happen ,but kind of funny now, rudy and i were talking about chain saws and wood splitters and a story came to mind, i was splitting fire wood one day and was splitting some narley swamp oak , it was very twisty piece of wood , it opened up and then closed on my finger, did not know what to do so i ran into the house to see if my wife could pry it off, well she could not so i had to put it back on the spitter to resplitt and in hopes it would open up to let my finger out, lucky for me it did. this was not funny at the time but looking back and getting a mental vision it seems kind of funny, sorry no pics of that one,

[dburt]

Yep, probably wasn't funny at the time but the mental picture I get now about your problem does seem funny!

[Rudy]

Even into our teenage years. My Mom made my brother and I go to church on Sundays. It was a two mile walk. On the days that my Mom did not accompany us, my brother and I would do some fun things. Of course, my Mom would always ask us if we went to church that day. We did go, because we didn't want to tell a lie.

One of the fun things was to go in to the crawl space under the church and hang out there. We noticed that, because it was an old building, we could hear what was going on inside the church.

So I got this idea.

One Sunday we brought a hydraulic car jack with us. We stashed it in the entrance to the crawl space, then went inside and waited for the priest's sermon to begin.

That is also when the fun was to begin.

During the sermon, everyone is seated. My brother and I had already scoped out an area where there were a lot of old folks sitting.

So, we sneak out of the church, and go into the crawl space. We gathered up a few rocks from under there and place the jack on top of them and onto a floor joist.

Then we start jacking up slowly. After raising the floor perhaps two inches, we hear a woman exclaim to someone who was sitting next to her, "did you feel that"?

I can imagine just how perplexed the woman must have been. At this point, we slowed down the jacking up process.

Eventually, we had jacked up the floor at least four inches, and things started to creak.

We could here her mumbling about this strangeness that was happening.

Well, now for the funnest part. We opened the valve of the jack so that it came down very quickly. It was then that she let out such a scream that the whole congregation, including the priest's sermon went quiet.

Of course, we didn't get caught, but my mom was upset that our clothes had gotten dirty. I told her that we fell on the ground. Almost true. we actually crawled on the ground.

[dadeo]

Hahahaa!! lucky you didnt break any windows!!

[Rudy]

I got this from the Music Central thread.

THE ENGINE INSTALL: It was in Azusa,California (part of LA) where Bob found the 1966 Chevy truck camper. I was, at that time, living in a 1980 Chevy van. Bob had already found his 1963 Chevy (factory built) camper.


He suggested that I get something bigger than my van to live in. So we go see this guy we affectionately called uncle Bill at his "shady" street corner used car lot.

There was a 1966 Chevy pickup truck with a 10 foot truck camper that someone had done a nice job of permanently installing. It had a 327 engine which had blown a timing chain.

Uncle Bill wanted $2500 for it. He had a mechanic there who was working on installing the new timing chain. Well, Bob and I hung around for hours while Bill assured us that the repair job would fix the problem.

So the "shade tree" mechanic finally gets it put together and goes to fire up the engine. All that happened was a lot of sputtering and a couple of loud pops. I looked at uncle Bill and said that the engine was not going to work.

At that point, he accepted defeat. I knew right then it was time to make my move and get this truck for cheap, so I offered Bill $800 and two banjos. I think the banjos clinched the deal because when I mentioned them, his eyebrows raised. It was a done deal.

I think it was at that time that Bob and I rented a car hauler trailer and towed it to the parking lot of the apartments where Bob was living. Before Bob got his 1963 Chevy, he had a 1966 VW camper van. We parked the 66 Chevy next to that.

Obviously, I needed an engine now. I looked at remanufactured engines at auto part stores, and was going to get one but a friend (probably Joel) said that that was not a wise move. He said that sometimes there is a difference of 30 thousandths diameter between cylinders on those. He suggested that I go see William Loe in Northridge.

William Loe built most of the engines for the stock car racers at Saugus Speedway. I took a trip down there and talked to him. I told him that I wanted a strong engine that would run on regular gas. He built a 383 stroker, which is a 350 block with a 400 crankshaft.

He made it so the compression was 9 1/2 to one so I could use regular gas. What I got from him was just the lower end. I had to get my own valve covers, intake manifold, and carburetor. I used the original "ram style" exhaust manifolds, and I think also the heads.

William Loe charged me $2500 for the work he did. So I haul this motor back to Azusa and now I am needing a place to install it. Bob and I go see Uncle Bill and ask him if we can use his car lot to do the install. He said that it would be OK. Now the work begins.

I had never installed an engine before, so I enlisted the help of Bob and Joel. I rented an engine hoist. We all met at Bill's and the work began. Unfortunately it rained the three days it took us to finish the job. Bob and Joel and I arranged our vehicles so that we could stretch a tarp and make a tent where we could work.

I suggested to Bob that we attach the transmission to the engine and install them both together. It made sense at the time. Well, as hard as we tried, they weren't going to fit in there while they were attached. Being determined to do it this way, I came up with a solution.

I said to Bob, "I'm gonna take a Sawzall and cut the floorboard here and make a flap so we can get this thing in" Bob laughed. He thought that was ridiculous. But I DID cut it and we bent the metal out of the way, and we were able to get the engine and tranny in. Then I just bent the metal back.

Finally the engine is in, and we have the hood installed as well. We are all excited about starting it up. So I crank it over and nothing happens. I figure that the distributor is not in the right place. So I ask Bob to do the turning over of the engine as I try all the possibilities of the distributor placement.

Naturally, after several tries to no avail, the intake manifold becomes full of gasoline. NOW HERE IS THE FUNNY PART. I was telling Bob to turn the key on and, if it didn't start, turn the key off. All that Bob could see of me, who was sitting in the engine compartment, was through the small slot under the hood when it was open.

Apparently there was some miscommunication. I thought the ignition key was off,( but it was still on) So I go to change the distributor to another position and as I am pulling it out, I say to myself "what a pretty blue spark"

It was at that moment that a humongous explosion of fire comes out of the distributor hole. It looked like the trail of a rocket taking off.

Fortunately, I was sitting on the fender. The blast sent me rolling off the fender on to the ground. Now, keep in mind the limited view that Bob had inside the cab. He said to me afterwards, "Oh my God. I blew Rudy up!!!"

Funny thing is that I did not receive any burns. I guess my quick reactions saved me. My quick reflexes is probably why I was a good boxer in my youth. So that is the day that Bob blew Rudy up. Here is a picture of Bob's 63 (WHITE) and my66.



Here is a pic of the three of us during that era. Joel on the left, me in the middle, and Bob on the right

[dburt]

Rudy, love the story about the church "high jacking"! After reading the story about your engine swap, it brought back memories of similar close calls of my youthful past. It's a wonder some of us are still here, with all the times we should have "bought the farm" in our younger care free days.

When I was in college, a good buddy of mine and I got into buying and selling antique cars as a hobby and money making sideline. One day I spotted an old '49 Packard "bathtube" 4-dr sedan siting in a field. I went to the nearby house to inquire about it, and found out that yes, they would sell it for $100. So Steve and I went and got his truck, a chain and went to get it. In those days we were to poor to afford such a luxury as a car hauling trailer, we pulled everything around on the end of a chain. And of course I am sure we were not always "legal" so we tended to take back roads and try to keep a low profile when we saw the law!

Since someone had removed the front seat of the car and made off with it, I took a 5-gallon bucket to use as a seat. The brakes were non-functional, so I just put the car in gear and would let out the clutch to slow down, plus there was a small amount of braking force still left in the emergency brake.

The bucket made me sit very high in the car, so I had to bend sideways to see out the windshield. Things were going smoothly until we got into town, and had to make a sharp righthand turn to head out to our storage building which was an old chicken shed. As we turned the corner, there was a police car coming up to the corner, and he was giving us the evil eye, so trying to look suave and law abiding, I proceded to give him a smile and wave. Just then the chain went a little slack, and Steve continued to pull thru the corner. When the chain came up tight, the car jerked hard, I rolled over backwards and disappeared from sight. My 5-gallon bucket seat went flying over to the other side of the backseat, and I had to get upright quickly to see to steer and brake for an upcoming stopsign.

Now the cop was watching this whole thing, and as I struggled to get upright I could see out of the corner of my eye as we went past that he was beginning to laugh. I was glad for that, since I figured he would perhaps not stop us, but otherwise I did not see any humor in the situation at the time. Have you ever tried to work a clutch, pull on the hand brake, steer and maintain your dignity all at the same time as you sort of squatted in an old dirty car trying to keep your balance?

Steve of course saw the whole thing in his rearview mirror but kept going, not even stopping to give me a chance to retrieve my bucket seat and some dignity.

How we remained friends in those days was sometimes a mystery, but a few years later I was honored to be his best man at his wedding.

[Rudy]

Here's a story about magic in a magical land. I was visiting my grandpa on his farm when this took place. It won't take too much imagination to see the humor.

So we are sitting on the front porch when a stranger walks by and says to my grandpa, "excuse me sir, I noticed that you have a field of milkweed over there". "Do you mind if I go get a gallon of milk?"

Grandpa says to him, you can't get milk from milkweed!

Well, lo and behold, the stranger comes back after 15 minutes carrying a gallon of milk in his jug. Grandpa look dumbfounded.

The next day, the stranger comes back around and says "excuse me sir, I noticed that you have eggplant in your garden". "Do you mind if I go get a dozen eggs?"

Grandpa says, you can't get eggs from eggplant.

Well. 15 minutes later, the stranger walks back with a dozen eggs. Grandpa looked surprised.

Later that same day, the stranger walks by and says, "excuse me sir, I noticed that you have a field of pussywillows out there".

Grandpa says, Hold on there, let me get my coat!!!

[Dennis The Bus Dweller]

Rudy Rudy Rudy, You are to much

[Rudy]

There was a summer when I was living in the Dodge class C motorhome pictured on my 1973 Blue Bird thread. It seems that the mice that were getting inside the motorhome had found a way to the bag of dog food that I kept in the bathroom. I found evidence of their little turds in the bag.

This was happening on a regular basis, and ended up costing me a lot to replace the tainted bags. I learned to always have a spare bag of dog food.

One day, I actually heard a mouse INSIDE the bag crunching away. Closing the bathroom door quietly, as to not alert the mouse, I went outside and sharpened a foot long stick to a point.

I re-entered the bathroom, and noticed that the mouse was still in the bag of dog food.

There was only one way out for that mouse, and that was through the top of the bag.

I quickly rolled the top of the bag over so that the little critter could not escape. I then took the bag (mouse included) outside.

There in the sunlight, I held my "spear" in one hand, and opened the bag with the other.

Surprise, surprise!!! There you are!

I speared that mouse with one thrust of my stick, right through the mouse.

It died instantly.

Now, here is the interesting part of this story.

I took the impaled "mouse on a stick" to the yard behind the motorhome and stuck the stick in the ground for all his mouse buddies to see.

Then I spoke out to all the Mousies that might have any ideas about raiding my dog food again.

I said, "Look here, and see what happens when you trespass"!

It may be hard to believe, but from that point on, I never had another mouse in my motorhome.

[Rudy]

Earlier, on this page, you saw a picture of Joel, myself, and Bob. I was having a yard sale that day. I was selling a lot of stuff. Tools, ladders, Electronic stuff.

One item I had was a jacking column for temporary joist support. It was an 8 foot metal pole with metal pads on each end. It was adjustable with screw ends on each end. It was heavy.

A woman came by and was interested in a clock radio that I was selling.

She asked me, "does it work"? I said sure it does.

I hooked it up to an electric cord, and much to my dismay, it did NOT work.

I told her, "no problem, I'll fix it"

Then I put the clock radio on the sidewalk, and grabbed the house jack, and lifted it up and came crashing down on the clock radio, smashing it to pieces.

I looked up at her and said "there you go, all fixed!!"

She looked at me with a quizzical stare, and left immediately.

[dburt]

Rudy, it's no wonder Mickey may have issues, after you traumatized the whole mouse species with your "Vlad the Impaler" impersonation!

My brother had mice in his bedroom one time, and he could not catch them! Thier noise at night bothered him, and he was upset that it seemed nothing could be done. Someone had given me an old BB pistol, it looked like an old Colt single action. It was not accurate, but it was fun to plink with, since you never knew what you were going to hit with it.

In an unguarded burst of bravado, I told him I would take care of the mouse problem, just let me know the next time he saw it. Later that day he came and got me, and told me it was sitting in a corner of the room chewing on something. I quietly went in the room behind him and sure 'nuff, there sat the 'onery varmit, brazen as a floosie at church. I was just being cocky, but I told him I would drill him between the eyes!

I cocked the old BB gun and let fly- and I will be hornswoggled if I did not drill that poor little critter right between the eyes!! Of course my brother thought I was really a dead shot, and I did not want to disappoint him by telling him the truth!

Soon after that, I figured out a way to catch fireflies and put them in a small bottle in my pocket. If you take a firefly and pinch thier rear end where the glow comes from, it will cause the glow part to really flare up in a nice bright glow for a few seconds before the poor bug expires.

I also discovered that you could load one of the half dead fireflys butt first down the barrell of the old BB gun, and launch him out the barrell with the BB you were shooting. The BB would hit the bug in the butt and cause the glowpart to glow brightly as it shot the bug out of the barrell at high speed. Hmmm- I see the workings of a good joke coming on here- the old lite bulb in the noggin came on to have a little fun with my dad!

I told my dad I could shoot fireflies right out of the sky at night with the old BB gun. Of course this sounded utterly absurd to my dad, and he said he had to see this. So I caught some fireflies and put them in the bottle in my pocket, and told my dad to come outside and watch. Since it was dark, and he could not see what I was doing, I would load a firefly in the barrell and then tell my dad to watch "that firefly over there". Of course there were hundereds of fireflys flying around, so it was impossible to tell which one I was supposedly pointing at. Then I would shoot the BB gun, the poor doomed firefly came out with his butt glowing brightly from being hit with the BB. After the BB and the firefly parted company a ways out, the firefly would come drifting down in a death spiral glowing brightly and it appeared I had actually shot it out of the air. My dad was very impressed, I was doing what appeared to be the impossible, which it really was. I would shot one firefly after the other out of the air.

I even got so cocky as to tell my dad I could shoot them out of the air over my shoulder backwards without looking. Of course this really amazed him. And that's how the legend of Dead Eye DB started!

[Rudy]

DB, That is a GREAT story. I sure hope you have more. I know I do. Thanks for making me laugh. Rudy

[dburt]

When I think back on my younger days, it is a wonder sometimes that I survived. When I was in the 6th and 7th grade my best friend Guy and myself were full of practical jokes and pranks.

One night my parents let me go over to his house for the night, and we got the hairbrained notion to string fishing line accross the street at just the right height at night so that it would just catch the very top of the car antennas as they went by. This of course made a real racket inside the car, and folks would stop and get out and look around trying to figure out what made thier car antenna whip around.

These hyjinks got old after a while, so we went inside and began snooping around his dad's photograpy stuff and found a box of slides. In the slides was one of a topless lady. Hmmm, what would this look like to drivers going by if we were to project it accross the street on the wall of a house accross from his parent's house??

We grabbed the slide projector, went out on the front porch and what do you know? it worked great!! Here was this topless lady now about 10 feet tall posing on the wall of the house accross the street. Of course folks would see it and slow down, and even circle around the block for a 2nd look. Of course we kept low so as not to be seen. If they stopped the car like they were going to get out, we would block the projector lense so the picture would not show, and they would be left wondering what happened to the picture.

Another time when he came over to my house, we got the idea to make a dummy, and lay it alongside the road with it's head down in the ditch so you could not see it's features very clearly. Then we would wait for a car to come along, many of them would stop and get out to look and see if they could help the person in the ditch. When they discovered that it was a dummy, some of them would shout and curse those "blankety blank" kids and get in thier cars and roar off.

This led to an even better idea. We would hide among some trees beside the road and take a woman's purse and lay it on the shoulder of the road by the fog line. We tied a fishing line to it and waited for some driver to take the bait. A driver would see it, slam on thier brakes, and hop out to get it. When they slammed on thier brakes to stop, we would pull it back into the weeds and when they got out and came around to get the purse, it was not there. This of course led to some really confused driver's. Some of them got down right irrate, I hate to think what would have happened to us had they gotten thier hands on us!

If you have never super-glued a quarter to the cement sidewalk in front of a store or some other place, you need to do that sometime. It is so much fun to watch someone trying to pick up that quarter, and it won't move!